The Dewey Endeavor: My Guidelines

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John Dewey and I don’t see eye to eye on everything. Our views on public education are fairly at odds. He, after all, is considered the father of our modern public education system, which is based on evolutionary theories. Meaning, in a nutshell, that there are no absolutes (God would be an example of an absolute) and as a result, change should be measured from relative standards, or basically, what feels right at the time. So, it’s a good thing he didn’t invent the Dewey decimal system, which is what I thought when I started writing this. What kind of librarian am I? Actually it is Melvil Dewey who holds that honor and it is to him I owe thanks for my latest harebrained idea. As a side note, the word ‘harebrained’ is not a variation on the words “hairy brained” which might refer to a person who has such minimal brain activity that hair has started growing on their brain tissue. No, it actually dates back to the sixteenth century when people observed the mating rituals of rabbits and found them odd. Life is fascinating.
Now, to take on a goal like this, there must be some ground rules. First, obviously would be that I don’t have to re-read the books I have already read. But what else? Do I skip the ones I don’t understand? What if a certain book puts me to sleep, no matter how hard I try? What if it’s filled with terrible language, pornographic images, or worse yet, a bad plotline? I truly believe in having an open mind when it comes to learning but I am not a garbage disposal. So, here are my rules for the Dewey Endeavor:

1. I must try to read at least the first two chapters before quitting
2. The book must teach me something I do not already know (THAT shouldn’t be hard. Did you read the part where I admit I didn’t know which Dewey invented the Dewey Decimal System?)
3. The book cannot use any one swear word repeatedly as a substitute for any/all adjectives and/or nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs, etc., or I will stop reading it.
4. I must record my progress via Goodreads or this blog
5. I will allow myself to read a work of fiction of my choice along with the book I am currently reading for the Dewey Endeavor. This will keep me sane.
Now, starting out will be difficult. The Dewey decimal system is organized by subject numerically. Numbers 0-100 are about computers, information and general reference. What my Dewey information sheet doesn’t mention is that “general reference” also includes books about aliens, UFO’s, computer programming and ghosts. This first section may be tough. But, I am on to my second book, which is UFO magazine’s UFO Encyclopedia. And, it has pictures! Things are looking up.

My Horizons: The Dewey Endeavor

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I have thought of a new way to broaden my horizons. It’s a little scary and maybe even weird, if I were to ask somebody besides my husband, who already thinks 99% of the stuff I come up with is weird. It all happened one quiet Sunday evening at work while I was shelf reading in the ‘new’ section. That’s where we have all the newest books we have purchased. Calling it the “new” section doesn’t really explain what it’s all about, so I thought I would clarify. As I went from beginning to end, i was surprised at how many titles sounded intriguing to me. When I got to the end of the first section, I had an idea: what if I read every book in the new section? The idea was wonderful and frightening at the same time. Wonderful because reading is wonderful and frightening because I am great at coming up with wonderful and frightening ideas and really, really terrible at seeing them through to the finish. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but try. So, after finishing my shelf reading duties, I pulled the first book off the shelf. It was called “The Myth and Mystery of UFO’s. “Okay” I thought “not my usual genre, but hey, I’m broadening my horizons here”, and I cracked it open. I already believe there are aliens, or at least, other life forms in the universe and even life forms that wouldn’t be classified as ‘other’, so if this book was about trying to convert me, the work was already done. But actually, it was more about our belief in UFO’s the context of our culture and how our minds automatically use certain words and images whenever anyone mentions UFO’s. Fascinating stuff, right? I couldn’t even make it to chapter two. My first mistake, I think, was reading the introduction. I believe the rule on reading introductions in a non-fiction book is to never, ever, ever read them. But even if the introduction had been riveting, the print was tiny and it never got bigger. About fifteen pages in, I got bored and flipped to the middle to look for the section of pictures that a good author will always include in a work of non-fiction, but there weren’t any! Not one! My horizons were looking less and less broad by the minute. Then I decided to allow myself a few rules and guidelines that might allow me to see this wonderful, frightening and, okay, weird idea to the end. Which I will tell you all about as soon as I come up with some.

My Vivid Imagination

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When I was growing up I would tell my mom whatever was on my mind. She was the ultimate source of wisdom and sympathy and she would constantly tell me I had a vivid imagination. I took it as a compliment, once I figured out what the word ‘vivid’ meant. I think it was the thing she would say when my confessions would leave her at a loss for any other words. For example, there was a period in my life where I was convinced my life was ‘The Truman Show’, but without the pretend world in a dome. Now, the Truman Show was released in 1998. I was born in 1981. Do the math. Yeah, I could dream up just about anything, even during my angst-y teenage years. Kim found something on Pinterest the other day that made me laugh and reminded me that I haven’t changed much. It also showed me once again how Pinterest is great at illustrating the things we are all thinking, even if we never say them. Well, until Pinterest came around then suddenly everything I have ever wished for, thought of or wanted to say when I’m angry is all right there, with a picture of a kitten to go with it. The thing he showed me was something like this:
“When I am in the shower and I hear a thumping sound I think: ‘Oh no. Someone broke in and now I’m going to have to fight the intruder naked!’
I probably butchered that but trying to find something again on Pinterest that you didn’t pin the first time you saw it is as difficult as trying to find something again on Pinterest that you didn’t pin the first time you saw it. So, if anyone can find it for me, I will give you a prize. So. This quote got me thinking. After my initial reaction of “I totally do that!” I started remembering all the times I have been at home alone and my worst-case scenario instinct kicks in. I cannot tell you how many times I have wondered if I could squeeze through the tiny window of my bathroom, if the situation called for such a maneuver. I don’t really like being home alone, and on late nights when it’s just me and the kids I can get pretty paranoid. To make things worse, my five year-old house already creaks. The worst is when the floor in the hallway creaks, which it does on a regular basis, but usually someone is walking on it. Usually. Recently, Kim was gone and I was alone watching a move and the kids were sleeping when the floor in the hallway creaked loudly. After my heart moved from my throat back to my chest cavity, I peeked out into the hall, but of course no one was there. I really do know that houses can be noisy things but that didn’t stop me from scanning the room for weapons and the inventory went something like this: Wooden bowl full of random things? No. Jar of spare change? No. Safety pin? Possibly, if I am very quick and accurate with a few well-placed stabs to his eyeballs. I also do mental earthquake drills, assessing where my children are and the safest place for us to be should The Big One ever hit. Same thing goes for fires, tornadoes, and floods. Or, if I am in a Hollywood state of mind, aliens. The thing is, my crazy thoughts don’t just reflect my wild imagination, but my whole personality. I am a planner. If I am going to try something new, I have to know all the steps and the lay of the land before I even begin. I suppose the vivid imaginings of burglars, earthquakes and aliens are just the icing on my proverbial brain cake.

My Progress

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I have given birth. This newborn thing entered the world on March 31st, weighing in at exactly one hundred pages, or if you prefer, 68,508 words. Yep, I finished a book. Like all first children, it was an experiment, a gamble, a guinea pig. I had no idea what it would look like when I finished and frankly, there were times when I wasn’t even sure I wanted to finish. Yet here I am, and there it is. New, raw with lots of potential. And I do mean lots. There is so much potential it’s leaking out of it’s ears. In other words, it’s pretty bad.
When I started writing seriously, my main goal was to write a whole book, start to finish. I am a wonderful starter of things, but finishing things is a challenge for me. Just ask my mother. You’ll get an earful about piano lessons, violin, art classes, even modeling. I suppose each venture served a purpose and if nothing else, it created a complex within myself where I believe I am destined only to start things, but never finish. Maybe that is why I like running (and writing) so much. I am able to achieve measurable goals and see my progress. Another mile here, a chapter there. I remember when I started running. I would try to go four times around a loop in my neighborhood, which I figured was roughly the same size as a race track. I would go at ten or eleven at night so no one would see my and pathetic attempts at “running”. I often think of those nights when I go running now and am amazed at how far I have come since those days where running seemed like a really stupid idea and how could I possibly make it another fifty feet, much less another mile?. Same thing with writing this first book. I rarely felt comfortable when I was writing it. I always felt like this other person, writing a book that sounded contrived and not at all in my natural voice. As my writing teacher said, it sounded like I was trying to write it how I thought a book should sound. Yet she encouraged me to keep going and get through it. Somehow I did it. No, not somehow. There were very specific things I did, which may or may not include banging my head on the desk, talking to myself, talking to the characters, or sometimes just sitting back and glaring at the screen. So, the natural question you might ask that I often ask myself is ‘now what?’ Good question. I finally let Kim read it and he had some excellent feedback and suggestions on how to make it better. I think I will, but not yet. I need to leave it alone for a while. My brain is weary of the project and I have moved on to my second child. I am on roughly chapter fourteen of this second attempt which is much more genuinely me. I still cherish my first, and it is because of my first that my second is going to have a much better shot in life.

My Facebook soapbox

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I am feeling poetic this morning. And so, for your reading pleasure, I have concocted a little rhyme:
Facebook is fun, Facebook is great.
But, there is something about it I really do hate.
The lack of pronouns makes my eyes want to bleed.
I get that language changes, but I, you, he, she, it, we, they
are words we really do need!

Not gonna lie. Really don’t like it when people don’t use pronouns to start their sentences. Seriously considering labeling them ignorant. Probably not the nicest thing to do. Not sure how I feel about this. Pretty sure I lose a few brain cells every time someone does it.
GAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Oh boy, here comes some more opinionated brain vomit…

THIS isn’t Twitter. IT’S not like there is a character limit. WE make ourselves sound more ignorant when we leave them out. Language changes and evolves, but that doesn’t mean one should speak in slang all the time.

My Favorite Day: A writing assignment

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Thursday, that oft looked-over, mild-mannered day. Tucked between Wednesday and Friday, it is unobtrusive and nothing special. Unlike the hated, infamous Monday or the glorified, much-loved Friday, Thursday simply keeps to itself. Content. But Thursday, oh you glorious, wonderful day. No obligations, nothing taking me from home and my only tasks scheduled on you are to take care of my children and make dinner. There are no piano, ballet or gymnastics lessons on Thursday. And you are so tantalizingly close to Friday, that on Thursdays, it almost seems like the weekend has already begun. In my universe, you are payday. That ever-important deposit, happens on you, Thursday. You are the quiet before the popular weekend, which can seem shiny and tempting earlier in the week, but actually comes with it’s own pain and chaos. You keep just far enough away from the promiscuous weekend to remain clean and untouched. Pristine.

My Food Fetish

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When it comes to making dinner, my week is somewhat predictable. Monday night is spaghetti night. Since I work on Mondays, I finally started buying spaghetti making supplies in bulk so that Kim could fix a dinner that didn’t consist of just milk and/or cereal. Tuesday through Thursday I participate in a dinner group, where one family will fix dinner for themselves and two other families on their assigned night. so Tuesday and Wednesday are usually taken care of and I don’t have to waste any brain power towards the often-unanswerable question of “what’s for dinner?” Thursday is my night to cook. I try to leave any experimenting at the door on this night. I don’t know why cooks feel a desire to try new recipes when they are cooking for others, but thanks to my husband, who had to beat it (not literally) into my brain that one should never, never, never, never do this, I try really hard to never, never, never do this. I don’t think anyone in our dinner group will soon forget my foray into the world of Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce.
So, by the time Friday rolls around, I am tired and cooking is not something I want to be doing on a Friday night. Therefore, when it comes to making dinner, I don’t have much opportunity to try new recipes. But occasionally, a perfect storm will concoct itself and I get the chance to cook up something new and, hopefully, delicious for my family to try. Today was one of those days. First, one of our dinner group is out of town this week. Tonight is her usual night. So, I have to make dinner. Second, I am not working. This frees up the evening for time-consuming culinary experimentation. Third, I just cleaned out my fridge and there is an alarming abundance of condiments and not much else. Fourth, it is only Tuesday and I still have energy to cook. Last but never least, I am hungry. So everything looks good. On the menu is a Pinterest recipe entitled ‘Crispy Cheddar Chicken’. Those three words alone lead me to believe it is going to be nothing but delicious. I’m even going to make dessert! Peach cobbler. Ah, food. Thanks for being a part of my life.

*Just a quick update: the chicken was delicious! The recipe can be found here.

My Stargazers

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The last few days of gorgeous weather have offered some crystal clear skies at night, which happen to be great for an astronomy lesson or two. We came home one night and Eli yelled “I can see the big dipper!” The first time a kid can finally see the big ladle in the sky is a monumental occasion, for which we all went outside to gaze at the stars. They really were dazzling. I got all excited because I thought I had spotted the elusive little dipper (has anyone ever actually seen that thing?) but I was wrong. Turns out it was Pleidas, a cluster of stars known as the Seven Sisters, which makes up part of the bigger constellation known as Taurus. But still, it was beautiful. We also saw Mars, Venus, and Jupiter, as well as Orion. Did you know that Orion’s right armpit is a star known as Betelgeuse? Did you also know that if you compared our sun to Betelgeuse it would be like comparing a green pea to a basketball? Just to give you some perspective, the sun is 109 times bigger than the earth. Betelgeuse is 300-500 times bigger than our sun. Cool, huh? All my kids were enthralled, and so was i. The idea that I can look with my naked eyes at a star that is a bajillion times bigger than this earth where I live makes me feel huge and tiny at the same time. Add a mark to why living in the sticks is better than a big city. Also it gave Kim and I an opportunity to quote lines from Harry Potter, and that in itself is pretty fantastic. And just for fun, and because I love Bill Nye the science guy, here is a video demonstrating how far apart all the planets in our solar system are.

My Awesome 8-year-old

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April turned eight yesterday. It was a memorable day for all of us. I like that April was born on a leap year, and I like that it wasn’t actually on Leap Day. Her due date was right at the beginning of March so we were a little concerned that she might be a Leap Day baby. But she waited, like the obedient child she is. Yesterday she was also baptized, which made her birthday extra special. She really seems to grasp what being baptized means and Kim and I are always amazed at her comprehension of spiritual matters. After our requisite post-baptism feast, we moved on to the birthday party portion of our day. I allow my kids a friend birthday party on their 5th, 8th and 12th birthdays. So this year I decided to rent out the gym where Janey takes gymnastics. With all my kids having cold weather birthdays, there aren’t a lot of options for indoor birthday parties in our small town. This was totally worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. To finish off the day (because it hadn’t been hectic/crazy enough) we had a massive sleepover with a bunch of cousins who stayed for the birthday party. I wish I had taken a picture of all of them sleeping on the living room floor. Now that we have had a taste of what a house full of eight kids feels like, three seems positively tranquil. So, happy birthday my awesome eight-year-old April! Here are eight things that make you awesome:
1. You are thoughtful. I so appreciate your little gifts and acts of service that you give to our family.
2. You are clever
3. You are creative
4. You love to learn
5. You LOVE books. Atta girl!
6. You are a great swimmer!
7. You are a wicked snowboarder!
8. You love music

MY DIY Nightmare: Part 2

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I thought I had the creative stamina it would require to make a post about my table-building adventures and how they related to my blog roll interesting. But I don’t. So I will now make a long uninteresting story a short uninteresting one so that I can have closure and move on with my blogging life. After much debate as to how to construct the legs and the table top, we were beginning to work on making the ends smooth. However, one dark night, there was an unfortunate incident with a table saw. No one was hurt, physically. But both Kim and I witnessed things that night that we do not speak of. There is an unfinished pine table top standing in the back of our garage, and we now have a new kitchen table that I found on KSL. I have projected all the trauma of the table building project on to Ana White’s link on my blog roll. It is a painful reminder of what might have been and what never was. I never looked at her site since the table building project went terribly, horribly awry. Yet when I went to delete it from my blog roll…I couldn’t. Something told me not to click it, just delete it and move on. But I didn’t listen to my common sense. I clicked. And I found the CUTEST laundry basket holder! And now I am working up the courage to ask Kim to build it for me. Will I never learn?